For the last few years now, in fact since they switched from an analogue service to a digital one, it has been my considered opinion that the service provided by Virgin Media (formerly Telewest Broadband) has been going rapidly downhill. I don't watch a lot of television, anyway, but it's not much to ask that after a long day, I can have the opportunity to flop out in front of the idiot's lantern for a few minutes and chill my boots.
Of course, back in the day of analogue television, you could just switch on and watch merrily away until your brain turned to porridge, but the succession of digital set-top boxes supplied to me by Virgin have all had a habit of switching themselves off whenever they like, and of course, as Sod's Law dictates, this will tend to be at the exact moment you want to watch something. On average, my box has been breaking down twice a year, necessitating one of those irritating visits from a technician who will be booked to arrive between 8am and 1pm, then turn up at half past six, muttering under his breath about unpaid overtime.
Having not watched any television for a few days, I came in on Wednesday to try and set my PVR to record the excellent Charlie Brooker's Newswipe later that evening, but the box had gone and frozen, and that handy technical fix de nos jours, the reboot, wasn't working either.
My call to the technical support line was answered first by a computer with an irritatingly cheery voice (“Hellooo! And welcome to Virgin Media! You now have six options...”) then I was put on hold. You really would have thought that with dozens of radio stations to choose from, Virgin could play one of these when people are put on hold, instead of a repeated loop of the same three tracks. I gave up waiting after twenty minutes.
The following night, there was still no television service. I rang the number again and got through to someone this time (the call was answered in Mumbai, a far cry from the days when all the calls were answered in Basildon!) but amazingly, I was confronted with the prospect of having to wait several days for a technician to call. I reluctantly agreed to this, on the basis that I insisted on a call back from the technical support department some time in the next twenty-four hours, to confirm the appointment time. I added that because I was so fed-up of the way I was (and continue to be) treated by Virgin Media, that I would cancel my television service altogether if it wasn't repaired by the weekend. Needless to say, that phone call never came.
It actually took yet another of my phone calls to Bombay, on the Friday evening, for someone to be able to tell me that an engineer had been booked for the following Monday. I expressed my dissatisfaction that nobody had bothered to call me, and, feeling slightly defeated, steeled myself for a weekend without the luxury of television.
And then, on Saturday, I stumbled across an offer in my local branch of Maplin to buy a FreeSat decoder for £40. No contracts, no hassle – all I had to do was connect it up to the redundant satellite dish that's been sitting on my roof ever since I moved in. And within three seconds of powering it up, I had over 1200 television channels at my disposal, and about 400 more radio stations. (Not that there's suddenly anything worth watching, of course – I had deleted all but 75 of the channels within an hour, but that's not the point!)
I rang Virgin to cancel the engineer's visit, but this time I was put through to their retentions team in Sheffield, whose job it is to firefight the presumably ever-increasing torrent of dissatisfied customers by offering them hefty discounts. Amazingly, I have been given so many of these sweeteners ever since I went digital, that I am only paying 50% of their regular price.
The helpful and intelligent young lady I spoke to was really quite disappointed to hear my story, and sympathetically suggested that I write a letter to complain. What really rankled though, was her admission that had I gone through to the Sheffield team in the first place, they could have sent me an engineer within fifteen minutes. How nice to know, and what a wonderful way to treat a customer of fifteen years' standing.
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